Facing Anger Through Non-Comformity

I am a nonconformist. I do not, will not and cannot do things just because someone says I should or because it is the accepted way of doing things. I have always been this way. I didn't choose to be this type of person, it just happened. I believe it is genetically encoded. I have little power over it. It is something that compels me, I am overtaken with it. It's like taking a stand based on integrity. To change that stand compromises your integrity. It is not a choice, it  is a result.

Many enjoy rewording the trait with the label "Cut off your nose to spite your face.". That is right. It's true. I  do this. Stubborn? Yes. Bullheaded? A little bit. Determined? Very  much so. What others tend to overlook is that it is not just to be obstinate that I do things contrary to popular traditions. It is because I believe in the stand I have taken to such a degree that I am willing to endure the consequences of my stand.

This behavior was fueled by anger originally. I did do it to be defiant. To antagonize my assailants, my oppressors. To tick them off and show them that they have no hold on me. I would not be conquered. I refused to conform and there was absolutely nothing they could do about it. You may be wondering how that was beneficial. I will tell you. If you don't care and have no concern they can't control you, hurt you or manipulate you. You are your own person. An individual who stands on their own account.  Thus those people are rendered helpless and frustrated; this in itself is it's own reward. A bonus if you may.

I relished in my newly found power. I basked in the glow of their heated anger. They were powerless and they hated it. More so, they hated me. And that gave me power. The power to seemingly control my life, the people in it and how they affected me. However, my non-conformity was  afflicting me in the process. It had built a wall of bitterness around my head and my heart. I held the world at bay and all who dared to try manipulating their way in. If I felt nothing, I hurt from nothing. If I hurt from nothing, then "nothing" could hurt me. I was "safe", "protected". Or so I thought. Very few were allowed in and those few were held under suspicion of their intentions in my life. A learned behavior that continuous physical assaults, lies, deception and disappointment had harbored in me. And I stood ready to protect should my fears be warranted.

Did this work for me? You bet it did! I had it so down pat that I could walk away from anything and anyone except my own children without so much as a breath of recognition, and zero remorse. I was good at this. It was how I dealt with all the pain and anger and disappointment and grief and sorrow and devastation life had filled me with. Anger fueled by loss and deception. Anger engulfed in the flames of violence and the ravages of those trusted at one time to no longer be trusted again. Anger. So I walked away, I rejected, I shut out, and I refused. And I found my way through it. I had protected myself and my family. Those were my goals.

See, the original non-conformity was brought out of me by anger and anger led to more and more non-conformity. But in the end, the loving kindness of those who raised me and the compassion of those who nurtured me won out in the end. Just like my  post: Love Always Wins~~Why I Keep Trying
Love does always win. And that is why I keep trying. And that is how I was able to face my anger. I was able to walk away, refocus my life in a spiritual sense, build who I was/am and come back and do things better. I can do that now. I've learned. I don't have to be angry and I don't have to conform either. :)

(A special thanks to my mom who said "I love you" a lot. And for the gentle tucking of my hair behind my ear for I can feel the love in those touches to this day. A fond remembrance of my father who instilled in me that it was not okay to hate people, because they are human and we have to love them. Because, that is what's right. A huge token of who and what I am today goes to my father's parents who were able to keep me after my father died and continued the love and compassion my father gave. A favorable light shines on my father's sister, my Aunt Jo. She spent years and hours and months and days and weeks instilling that I was loveable and beautiful and worthy. She moved heaven and earth to make sure I felt loved and wonderful and.........I cherish her memory. Her smile is in my mind's eye at all times. A smile filled with just about all the love in the world.)

A word of appreciation to you for taking the time and interest to read this post. I hope you find it settles well. Look past the anger and loss and see the beauty that emerged from the depths of despair. It's bright and beautiful and welcoming.     ©




Corrina L. Hunter

Verbal Bash/Emotional Crash (The saga continues)

There are actually so many things vying for my attention, begging to be written about that it's been difficult to find a starting point. Alas, as with all things, I have to start somewhere. Here we go then...Nameless and Clueless are no strangers to personal issues and their own issues are impeding on their ability to function properly.

Let me back that up just a little bit. See, these two unwitting participants of my cranial workings had another Verbal Bash. However, this time the Emotional Crash was much more severe than before. The Crash wrecked beyond the typical anger, hostility, and aggravation; it wrecked to the point of embitterment, hopelessness, devastation and defeat.

There were other exchanges that occurred since our last visit with the two parties. Once again Nameless attacked Clueless. Once again Clueless was, well...clueless, shocked, angry.

Clueless lashed back at Nameless with vehement confusion and anger, inquiring into the source of the attack. Nameless confirmed the attack and lashed on bitterly one more time. Fed up, finished, and wounded in spirit, Clueless turned away and moved on with the day. Later that same day, Nameless would accost Clueless one more time and the result was quite intense. Clueless went home full of agony and defeat. Feeling completely overwhelmed and unable to cope.

Clueless assured Nameless that the never-ending tantrums were quite intolerable and unacceptable and that they needed to resort to "professional only" conversations. Clueless sat stewing & seething with anger over these unprovoked  assaults.

Determined to "show Nameless", Clueless held all thoughts, feeling and ideas inward. Shutting out Nameless and therefor vindicating the stand taken. This position in their interactions continued silently for a few days until Nameless apologized to Clueless for being unkind. Then Nameless went on to ask if it would be okay to ask Clueless a question. Clueless conceded and allowed Nameless to continue. 

Nameless had questions about the Bible and knew that Clueless was an avid study of the Scriptures. Feeling chastised for losing focus on their integrity and their Christian duty to "love thy neighbor", Clueless warmed up to Nameless and helped Nameless understand the things asked and show where to find the answers in the Bible as well. Nameless was quite intrigued and very grateful for the insight and thanked Clueless with heartfelt gratitude.

This has, for now, ended the saga. We bid it farewell and pray for all the best to come for our unwitting players of the Verbal Bash/Emotional Crash.

 This is a true and concise accounting. It is based on real events and people. We are quite proud of our dear friends and thank them for their assistance in this blog. Even they are: "A Work In Progress".
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Verbal Bash/Emotional Crash

I was made privy to an incident where folks clashed with one another. Both parties were clearly agitated. The irony was that they both suffered the same ailment...frustration, fatigue, confusion and chaos. The interesting part is how they handled themselves. The frustrated party, Nameless, had been pushed by circumstances beyond their limit and was completely devoid of all tolerance. The naive party, Clueless, made a reply to something Nameless had said and Nameless unleashed on Clueless. This left Clueless not only more clueless but aggravated, angry and hostile. Fed up and put out joined the exchange adding a new level of heat to the words that passed. 


Now, we must give credit where due. Clueless was shockingly able to stifle further heated replies while Nameless lashed on. Clueless' refusal for rebuttal stifled the potential explosion. However, this sparked an inner chain-reaction in Clueless. Clueless harbored anger and resentment and inwardly schemed to "get even" on this one; So far as to planning just how this silent retaliation would subtly play. The two kept their further words inside themselves allowing the air to settle a bit. 


After a brief separation to alternate areas of involvement the two came together once again. No words were spoken. Not a remark was shared. This lasted for a significant time. Eventually, as many disagreements go, Clueless finally approached Nameless about "why?"  the issue. Nameless had obviously been tense, awaiting a rebuke, because Nameless' shoulders dropped significantly and a big breath or ?relief? was expelled. Nameless did not justify their actions nor did they make excuses for them. Instead, Nameless conceded that their was error on their part and offered a very reasonable explanation for what had caused the dispute. To that end, Clueless "got a clue" and accepted the reply with dignity and respect. Seeing no need to extract the previously expected "apology for the earlier in-justification".


The result, both parties were relieved, relaxed and emotionally crashed. Happy to have the air cleared they were able to pursue the rest of their explorations in peace and harmony. This is a true and concise accounting. It is based on real events and people. You do not, however, have the slightest idea who the players are nor their specific parts in this event. That is OK. As Clueless learned here, you don't have to "know" something to accept it and move on. 


We are quite proud of our dear friends and thank them for their assistance in this blog. Even they are: "A Work In Progress".
 

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